Reality Bites
by Candyland
Summary: [COMPLETE] Something strange is happening to our heros, but what could it be? Saiyan hairdos are falling flat, animals can't talk anymore...and that's just the beginning of their problems! I promise that this is funny!
1. What's Going On?

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, but I own this plotline and I own a couple of people that I threw in there for no real reason. I'm making the Saiyans a little OOC—trust me, I know that they're aliens! Same for Piccolo, you'll see why. It's just a little bit funnier that way (at least, I hope it's funny!)

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Chapter One—What's Going On?

It was a bright sunny day over West City, and trouble was afoot.

"Stop, thief!" the Great Saiyaman leapt into the air, chasing the getaway vehicle of the bank robbers. Videl was right on his heels. They soared at top speed, and began closing in when suddenly something odd happened.

Both Saiyaman and Videl simultaneously fell from the sky and hit the pavement hard.

"Ouch! That really hurt!" Videl sat up and looked over at Saiyaman. Or rather, _Gohan_, with normally spiky hair hanging quite lifelessly from his head. "Um, Gohan? I think there's problem."

"Huh?" was the reply. For such a smart guy, sometimes he was incredibly clueless. Then he looked down at himself. "AH! What happened? My disguise is gone! And what happened to my hair?!?" He paused for a second, then said, "I feel really strange. But why did we just fall like that?"

"Beats me," Videl stood up and tried pushing off into flight again. It didn't work. "Okay…if we can't fly, we can use my helicopter."

She pulled out the tiny capsule, pressed the button, and threw it on the pavement. It just sat there.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?" she screamed. 

Gohan just shrugged. "I don't know. But we're not that far away from Bulma's house. Maybe she'd have an idea. Let's go."

They took off running, as air cars starting falling out of the sky.

AN: And we're off on my second fic, and first piece with more then one chapter!! Yay!


	2. A Hairy Problem

Disclaimer: I still don't own this show, but I wish I did. Does anyone actually read these things?

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Chapter Two—A Hairy Problem

Vegeta scowled at the Saiyan standing a few feet away from him in the gravity room. Goku was smiling his famous grin. "Come on, Vegeta! Let's keep sparring!"

The Saiyan Prince fell into his fighting stance when something strange happened.

His hair didn't stand on end anymore. In fact, it fell down, flat.

"ACK!" Vegeta yelled, trying to push his hair out of his eyes. When he finally succeeded, he saw that Goku was having a similar problem. And to top it off, he felt really strange, very heavy…very heavy…as if the gravity was actually starting to affect him…but it was only twenty times Earth's gravity, since they were just doing warm-ups.

"YIKES!" Goku shouted as he ended up on his stomach on the floor. "I CAN'T STAY STANDING!" Vegeta grunted angrily as he hit the floor.

"Let's…get…outta…here…" he snarled, crawling to the control panel. It took everything he had to reach up and press the button that returned the gravity to normal. Both he and Goku heaved a sigh of relief before realizing that their hair was still hanging limply in their faces.

"What the…" was all Vegeta managed to croak before he was interrupted by Goku.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Goku screamed. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Thank you, Kakarrot. Now that I'm deaf, we can try to figure out what the HFIL is going on!" the Saiyan Prince growled, rubbing his ears. They both climbed to their feet and left the gravity room, holding their hair out of their faces.

AN: Yeah, I know. Really short and stuff, but I promise there'll be some longer chapters coming up!


	3. Child's Play

AN: Well, here we are on Chapter 3! Yippee! Hooray! Okay, now for the standard thing. *****cough* *ahem* *clears throat* As I wrote in my bio for this site, as I writer I believe that everything I write becomes reality in some way, however subtle, so…I OWN DRAGONBALL/Z/GT!!!! *wishful thinking*

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Child's Play

"ACK!!"

Goten and Trunks had a fast and painful introduction to the ground. The two kids had been sparring in the air over the forest when something very odd had happened. They had fallen out of the sky, and it seemed like they hit every branch on the way down. Strange…it hurt a lot more than it should have, like they were actually injured or something…

"Owwww…ow ow ow!!!!" Goten sat up, rubbing his head, only to realize that something strange had happened to his hair—it was hanging loosely in front of his face.

Still, it was a better time than Trunks was having. He put one hand on his aching head, and added another unusual occurrence to the growing list of strange things that were happening.

His hair was gone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he jumped to his feet, ignoring the pain in his back, and clasped both hands over his head. "WHERE'S MY HAIR?!? I'M BALD!!! I LOOK LIKE KRILLEN'S YOUNGER BROTHER!!!!"

"My hair's really funny," Goten said, pushing the black strands out of his eyes. "Maybe we should go see your mom or talk to Gohan. Maybe they'll know what's going on."

"I CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS!!!!" Trunks screamed, sounding remarkably like a girl.

"But…we're already out…" Goten muttered more to himself than to Trunks. The famous look of confusion that he had inherited from his father was plastered onto his face.

Trunks rolled his eyes. "Duh. I meant that I don't want people to see me looking like this! Wait, I have an idea! Come on, we've gotta get to your house pronto!"

The two young half-Saiyans tried to push off into the air in flight, but soon noticed yet another bizarre happening. They couldn't fly anymore.

"WHAT'S THE DEAL?" Trunks started yelling again, while Goten just stood where he was, looking (you guessed it) confused.


	4. Silence is Golden

AN: Man, this is getting to be lotsa fun to write! Good or not, this was really fun to make up! ABCDEFG, I do not own DBZ, blah blah blah…let's see what mishaps befall our heros next!

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Silence is Golden

Chaot-zu noticed that something was wrong when he tried to say good morning to Tien and no sound came out. Try as he might, he couldn't get a single word out of his mouth.

Then he noticed that Tien was having problems of his own. Tien had both hands clasped to his forehead, and was wincing in very obvious pain. "What…the…HFIL…is…happening…"

Suddenly he stopped wincing and sat up straight. Slowly, he lowered his hands from his forehead. Chaot-zu tried to yell in surprise, but couldn't.

The third eye was missing from the center of Tien's forehead.

It wasn't long before Tien found a mirror and also discovered this peculiarity. Once he had discovered that problem, another one was created—the fact that he started running all over the place, screaming at the top of his lungs.

And poor Chaot-zu still couldn't make a peep.

Oolong and Turtle were having a similar problem on Master Roshi's island. Suddenly, neither of them could talk, no matter how hard they tried. It had happened right in the middle of a conversation, too.

Roshi didn't seem to notice, though. He was too busy watching two women doing jumping jacks in skimpy leotards on the TV screen.


	5. Puar's Problem

AN: Me no own DBZ. You no sue. Me be happy.

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Puar's Problem

"Puar! What's wrong?" Yamcha picked up the little cat. Puar had been flying around happily when suddenly she had dropped to the floor. She opened her mouth and tried to speak. Just like several of the others, her voice was gone.

"Umm…okay…" Yamcha let her go, expecting her to float in the air like she always did.

It didn't happen. She fell flat on the floor again. This time, she tried to stand up. It didn't work either. Her legs wouldn't support her. How…peculiar…

"I think I'll call Bulma…she's the smart one…" Yamcha picked up the phone and dialed a number, keeping one eye on the little blue cat struggling on the floor.

The phone rang and rang and rang, but Bulma didn't answer.

"Or maybe we'll go visit Bulma," he said, hanging up the phone.

Piccolo was meditating on Kami's tower, floating about two feet in the air, when something bizarre happened. He fell and hit the ground hard, snapping him out of his meditation.

"Huh?" he looked around, ignoring the slight pain in his lower back. Suddenly, his head and shoulders fell forward and crashed into the stone floor of the lookout, leaving a large indentation in the ornate stone tiles.

"Why…can't…I…move…" he grunted. "…not…that…heavy…before…" he managed to shrug out of the weighted turban-like hat thing and weird shoulderpiece deally. Only then could he actually sit upright. What the…


	6. What the HFIL?

AN: Heeheehee! Ya know I like these characters because I give them such a hard time. If you sue me, the most valuable thing I own is my CD player, and I won't let you have it! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, I luva you all, you are all my best friends!!!!

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What the HFIL?

"Bulma?" Gohan poked his head in through the front door of the Capsule Corporation building. The front door had been wide open when he and Videl had arrived. Knowing Bulma wouldn't mind if they came in, the two teenagers went into the living room and took a seat on the couch.

Just then, Mrs. Briefs came staggering by, hands reached out in front of her. "Oh my…this doesn't seem right…"

Gohan stood up. "Ummm…Mrs. Briefs? Is something wrong?"

"Is that you, Gohan dear?" she asked, looking somewhere to the left of him. When he answered affirmatively, she continued. "Oh dear, Gohan. I can't see a thing anymore. I don't understand it. I was watering the plants when everything went black! What's happening?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out," he patted her arm, trying to be reassuring, while at the same time pushing a few locks of hair out of his face.

A loud, high-pitched scream sliced the air, interrupting their conversation.

"That was Bulma!" Gohan recognized it instantly and followed it, with Videl right on his heels, and Mrs. Briefs still staggering around the living room.

They found the source of the scream in the bathroom, where Bulma Briefs was huddling on the floor, a towel wrapped around her head, shrieking at the top of her lungs.

"Bulma!! What's going on?" Gohan shook her arm gently. She stared up at him through wide, tear-filled eyes.

"Gohan! I don't know what happened, but I looked in the mirror, and…and…" she pulled the towel off her head. All of her hair was gone. She burst into tears. "This is what I saw!!!"

"WOMAN!!" Vegeta's roar echoed down the halls of Capsule Corp. "THERE'S A PROBLEM!!"

"Damn straight there is," she muttered between sobs, pulling the towel back over her head.

The Saiyan Prince came barging into the bathroom, Goku right behind him. He very strongly resembled Cousin It from the Addam's family, with his long black hair hanging around him.

It took a little while to get everyone calmed down. Actually, it was more like a couple of hours before anyone could talk without yelling hysterically or crying. That allowed plenty of time for everyone else to show up at Capsule Corp, all with pretty much the same stories.

The teenage girl stared at the computer screen, grinning evilly. This was getting to be more enjoyable by the second.

AN: Heehee…they're being watched too! Once again, thanks to my wonderful reviewers!! *Candyland runs around hugging all the people who reviewed her story*


	7. An Explanation is Found

AN: Okee-dokers, join us for this exciting episode of Dragonball Z (which I do not own). And hey peeps, sorry I didn't write Krillen into this thing—I feel bad cuz I half forgot him and half couldn't think of anything funny to happen to him. Bad me. No biscuit.

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An Explanation is Found

Everyone sat in the garden, staring at each other. Vegeta looked incredibly disgruntled at the fact that Bulma had pulled his now-waist length hair into a French braid to keep in out of his face. Chichi had arranged Goku and Goten's hair in buns similar to hers. Gohan had escaped having his hair done by virtue of the fact that his hair was a lot shorted than his father's and brother's. Trunks and Bulma each had a hooded sweatshirt on, with the hood pulled up to hide the fact that neither of them had hair. The now-quiet animals, along with a silent Chaot-zu were looking particularly forlorn, as was Tien, who kept one hand clasped over his forehead.

"…and that's everything," Yamcha finished explaining what had happened to Puar that morning. Everyone had shared the strange occurances of the day, and was trying to figure out what they meant.

"I just don't get it…" Gohan sighed. "Why is all this happening to us?"

"I can answer that!" a teenage guy came running into the garden. He was a skinny kid with black hair and glasses. "I know what's happening to you!"

"WHAT!?!?" Vegeta roared, leaping to his feet. "WHO ARE YOU?!?"

"Hey, calm down," the teenager held up his hands, as if to ward the angry Saiyan off. "Just remember that if you hurt me, you'll never know why your hair won't stand up anymore, Vegeta."

Everyone stared at the teenager. "How do you know my name?" the Saiyan Prince asked, a little more subdued. "Who are you?"

"My name's Adam," the guy grinned. "You're in one of Candyland's stories. You're in a different place now."

With that, the teenager, who had introduced himself as Adam, started running again. He got to the edge of the garden when he was jumped by a bunch of Saibamen with knives.

"A different place? Where are we then?" Bulma whimpered from under the hood of her sweatshirt.

"Candyland? Sounds like a real fruitcake," Yamcha commented.

Hmph. The teenage girl frowned and decided to teach Yamcha a lesson.

Suddenly, from nowhere, a storm cloud appeared. Yamcha was struck by lightning.

"…ouch…" he said while Gohan put out the fire in his hair. The storm cloud disappeared.

"You guys! I think I got it!!" Goku jumped to his feet and thrust his fist triumphantly into the air. 

Everyone stared at him in shock. "You…got it?"

"Yup!" he beamed proudly. "Think about it! Nobody can fly, our super strength is gone, our hair won't stand up straight, Bulma and Trunks' hair is gone completely, none of our animal friends can talk anymore, the capsules won't work anymore, the air cars are crashing left and right, Gohan's Saiyaman outfit won't work either…there's only one explanation!"

Silence, followed by an aggravated Vegeta's yell. "WHAT IS THAT EXPLANATION THEN, GENIUS?!?!?"

Goku's face darkened into a serious expression. "You guys…we're in Reality."

Everyone gasped.

"There's more," Goku continued. "That kid said that we were in one of Candyland's stories, right? Candyland is the author. She's writing everything that's happened to us. We've gotta find her!"

The teenage girl sighed. Brilliant deduction, Goku.

"How do we find her? I want to get back to normal!" Tien whined.

"Well, we have to use bait," Chichi said sensibly.

"Something she'd like…" Trunks added.

"I know!" Goten jumped up and down, waving one hand in the air. "I got it! I know what we should use!"

More shocked stares. "Goten, how do you know?" Videl asked.

The little demi-Saiyan smiled cutely. "I dunno. I just do!"

The teenage girl smiled fondly. Maybe it's because I wrote it into his head.


	8. Meet Candyland

AN: I love this chapter because I'm in it! Yay! A note to all Vegeta fans—I am majorly cruel to him in here. It's not because I don't like Vegeta, it's just that he's so easy to be mean to! I intend to write an alternate universe fanfic where I own DBZ, so it's only a matter of time.

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Meet Candyland

Ten minutes later, the entire Z gang gathered in the garden again.

"Yummy! I just love these Mountain Dew freezes from Kum & Go!" Goku said loudly, slurping something through a straw.

"Yeah, these Mountain Dew icees are fantastic!" Yamcha added, stirring the yellowish-green mixture around his cup with his straw. "I wonder if anyone out there might want a Mountain Dew freeze."

A teenage girl with short brown hair with blond highlights came running by, wearing khakis, a brown striped tank top, and brown slides, with a notebook under her arm. She grabbed the icee out of Vegeta's hand and drank half of it in one slurp. It was only then that she turned and looked at the startled and confused fighters.

She grinned. "Hi guys! I'm Candyland!" She then proceeded to guzzle the rest of the icee while Vegeta gave her his best death glare, angry over being deprived of his slushee. She proved to be quite adept at ignoring him.

"YOU'RE CANDYLAND?!?" Bulma screeched. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?!?!?!?"

"I wrote you guys into Reality," she responded cheerfully, grabbing another icee from Chichi. "That's all. It's nothing serious. You're in one of my stories."

"Who was that kid who ran through here a few minutes ago?" Yamcha asked.

"Oh, that's a guy I go to school with," the author replied, frowning slightly. "He used to be a pal of mine, but then he got to be really annoying. There's another kid I wanted to use, but he probably would've tried to pet Vegeta and then Vegeta would've blown him up, and I really wanted Saibamen with knives in my story, so there ya have it."

"PUT US BACK IN OUR WORLD RIGHT NOW!!!!" Vegeta roared. "DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Candyland smiled. "Oh Veggie, you make me giggle!"

The Saiyan Prince looked thoroughly insulted. "Prepare to meet your end," he hissed, crouching into a fighting stance.

"Oh, I don't think so," the author pulled the notebook out from under her arm poised a pen over the paper, ready to write. "Let's see here…what to do about Vegeta…wait! I know!!"

Cackling to herself, she scribbled something on the paper in the notebook. Everyone stared at her with curiousity, Vegeta momentarily forgotten.

"There!" she finished with a grin. "Take a look at ol' Veggie now!"

Everyone turned back to see the Prince of all Saiyans now dressed in a pink leotard, tutu, tights, and ballet slippers with a sparkling plastic tiara on his head and a matching wand in his hand. Vegeta looked ready to explode.

"Don't make me write something else Vegeta!" the author warned. "I can put you in a ballet next. Or better yet…maybe I'll make you fall in love with Goku!"

Vegeta stared at her for a second, then turned and ran into the house, screaming at the top of his lungs. Candyland looked quite satisfied. "Hmph. Next time I'll write some Pokemon into the story. All right now, it seems like something's missing…I know! My favorite character!" she once again starting writing in the notebook.

Seconds later, a very disgruntled-looking Piccolo appeared out of nowhere.

He stared around at his new surrounds for a moment before noticing everyone else. "Um…does anyone know what's going on?"

Gohan very quickly filled him in.

"So we're in Reality now, huh?" the Namekian thought carefully for a minute. "How does everything that's happened so far fit into Reality?"

Candyland smiled. "Simple. In Reality, people can't fly, and no one is strong enough to lift cars and buses, and people can't shoot energy blasts out of their hands. Cars don't fly, you can't make things appear by pressing a little button on a capsule and throwing it on the ground, watches don't contain disguises, people can't see unless they open their eyes (AN: Mrs. Briefs), people only have two eyes, mimes and animals can't talk and people don't have blue or purple hair. It doesn't exist! Plus, your Saiyan hairdos would be completely impossible unless you use hair gel or mousse or hairspray or something," she shrugged. "I just wrote that everything that isn't possible in my world doesn't exist here."

"Um," Trunks spoke up softly from under his hood. "Do ya think you could put us back? Please?"

The author sighed. "I dunno…I'm having a pretty good time with this…"

Goten looked up at her with his best puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

She looked down and smiled. "Okay, my second favorite character has just given me sad puppy dog eyes. I'll send you guys back…"

While everyone cheered, Candyland turned around, cupped her hands around her mouth, and called out a single word. "Kiwi!!"

Everyone stopped celebrating and stared at her. "Kiwi?" Videl asked. "Why are you looking for a fruit at a time like this?"

The author ignored her and called again. This time, a tired-looking Saibaman came runnning into the garden. "Ah! There you are, Kiwi!" She knelt down beside the little green creature. "Okay, we hafta send 'em back to their world. Can ya do that for me?"

The short monster nodded and turned its red eyes on the Z gang.

"What are you gonna do?" Piccolo asked.

"Simple enough. Kiwi's gonna send you back," she stood up. "Okay Kiwi! Reality Spores!"

The Saibaman's head opened up and a cloud of spores shot out of hit, hitting everyone before they could move. A few coughs were heard, but within seconds everyone was feeling themselves falling…falling…

AN: Only one more chapter to go. Who's disappointed? *chirping crickets* Oh well…actually, I have to send out a big thank you to ssjgoddesschico, who's been reviewing every single chapter I've put. Thank you sosososososososososososo much!!!!!!!!!


	9. Just a Dream...or was it?

AN: The last chappie of my first chappie fic. *Candyland bursts into tears* I'm okay, it's just so heartbreaking to me. Oh well, I've got another one started. I'm gonna try my hand at a dramatic fic that's not a songfic. Wish me luck. I no own DBZ, but I wish I did. I know! I'll hold Akira Toriyama hostage until he signs the rights over to me! Yeah…that'll work…

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Just A Dream…or was it?

"ACK!!!" Goku sat up in bed. Beside him, Chichi did the same thing at the exact same time.

They stared at each other. Goku talked first. "Man, I had the weirdest dream!"

"Yeah, me too," Chichi sighed.

"That's it. No more Twinkies on my pizza before bed," the Saiyan vowed as he rolled over and went back to sleep.

Over at Capsule Corp…

"YIKES!" Vegeta sat straight up at the same time as Bulma. She stared at him, wondering what had freaked him out so much. She knew why she was panicked, but what was his problem?

"Um…Vegeta?" she asked. "I know why I woke up, but what's with you?"

"Oh my God, I just had the most terrible dream!" the Saiyan Prince gasped. "My hair fell down, and I couldn't fly anymore, and my strenghth was gone, and…" he was interupted by Bulma's giggling. "What is so funny, woman?"

Bulma burst into full-fledged laughter. "What…are…you…wearing???"

Vegeta looked down at himself, only to discover that he was wearing a pink leotard, tutu, tights, and ballet slippers. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The prince jumped out of bed screaming and ran out of the house and down the street, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Bulma chuckled and rolled back over, determined to go back to sleep. Almost as an afterthought, she put a hand to her head, and was enormously relieved to feel her hair, right where it was supposed to be. Not that it would have ever really been gone…after all, it was just a dream.

The teenage girl leaned back in her chair and chuckled. This turned out well.

By her elbow, a short green creature with red eyes and fangs made a sound. Candyland turned and looked at the Saibaman. "You think I'm too hard on Vegeta?"

A nod was the answer.

"Well, Kiwi, just remember that he threatened me, and I always get even," she sighed. "Besides, if I'd let him hurt me, they'd all still be stuck in Reality. Now they all think it was just a bad dream."

The little green monster still looked upset and started making noises.

"You're right, I didn't write Krillen into this. Well, he and 18 took Marron on vacation to Hawaii, and they won't be back until my next fic. Okay?"

The Saibaman looked a little happier, and made another sound.

"Hmm…that's not a bad idea," Candyland agreed as the little green creature went and ransacked the author's change jar to get some money for Kum & Go Mountain Dew Freezes. "Just one thing Kiwi—I'm driving this time."

AN: And we've reached the end. Just for anyone who might have been wondering, I don't really own a Saibaman named Kiwi, but I wish I did…they make good pets if you housebreak them early. Well, my first chapter fic has come to an end. Thanks to everyone who made it through to the end, I luva you all!!!


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